Teenage Tonk's Toddler Twins Terror
by eruthiel
Summary: Fred and George are kids, Ron's a baby, Molly's going out and, well, a title like that says it all.
1. Prolouge

**I just had to do a toddler twins story. I don't care if the ages are correct or whatever. It's Tonks babysitting Fred and George for god's sake, don't complain! OK OK, I don't own any of these characters. Please review!**

"Err . . . hi, Mrs Weasley," Tonks said nervously, shutting the door behind her. Molly was clearly not in a mood to be tangled with.

"What? Oh, it's you Nyphadora. Come in."

Tonks wasn't sure if she wanted to come in, but did so all the same, looking apprehensively round at the paint-smeared walls, accidentaly bewitched objects (indluding what might once have been an old-fasioned Muggle camera that was now hovering near the ceiling and giving her a look Tonks didn't like at all) and thin coating of mucus that seemed to cover everything. She decided not to ask and followed Molly into the living room.

"Now dear," said Mrs Weasley, fastening some sort of triple lead to her three eldest sons. "I'm just taking Bill and Charlie to get their school things, and Percy's coming along too. We'll be back by tonight. Normally I wouldn't ask, of course, but . . . well, Arthur's busy at the Ministry and I'm afraid the two little ones just chew through the leads. They won't be any trouble at all, just don't let them near your wand." She batted away the camera, which had been attempting to maim her with a large tablespoon. "Ron shouldn't be a problem, he just sleeps mostly. If he starts crying just give him some milk, there's a bottle in the fridge. Well . . . have fun!"

Tonks got the distinct impression that Bill and Charlie were giving her looks similar to the sort you might give a small furry rodent who has just asked the Viscous Triple-headed Gutsucker Beast of Death for the time. Oddly enough, that was exactly how she felt. How had she got herself into this mess, anyway?

_Flashback . . ._

_"Hey, Mrs Weasley."_

_"Hello, Nymphadora! Lovely day, isn't it? How are you?"_

_"Fine thankyou, Mrs Weasley."_

_"Say, Nyphadora, could you do me a favour? Me and Arthur would be terribly grateful. I mean, we'd pay you too, of course."_

_"Sure thing, Mrs Weasley. What was it you wanted me to do? I'm free all Summer."_

_"Oh, thankyou, Nymphadora! We really are most terribly grateful. It's just . . . well, we've been having a bit of trouble trying to find someone to babysit Fred and George, and . . ." It was at this point Tonks had stopped listening and started mentally writing her own will. She was just deciding who should get the remains themselves when Molly interupted her thoughts. "Well, I know you've never met them," _thank god, _she added mentally, "But I'm sure you'll get on just lovely."_

Just lovely. Hmm. Well, the would soon see about that. True, she had never had the pleasure of meeting the boys, _thank god, _she added mentally, but their reputation was way ahead of them. Tonks had met many lucky souls who had been left alone with the twins for even a second, most of them in St. Mungo's muttering unhelpful things like "the knuckles . . . the horrible knuckles . . ." **(Note: People who have read Discworld know I copied this.)**

And now she must join their ranks. Who knew what terrors lay in store for her? All she knew was that they had red hair and were cackling madly in a cage on the top floor . . .

**What do you think? I know it's short and probably really inacurate, but who really cares anyway?**


	2. Chapter One

**Here goes chapter 2. Thanks to anyone who reviewed my first chapter. ;-)**

* * *

_There. See? This isn't so hard. They're rather sweet, really._

She checked her wand was still chained to her robes, just in case.

"Nimpa!" shrieked one of them. It looked like Fred. It also looked like George. She made a wild stab at it. "Yes, Fred?"

They exchanged frighteningly evil looks. One is used to seeing that sort of look on tigers, not kids, and it was quite alarming to see two identical ones on identical faces. Even if the faces belonged to four-year-olds.

"_I'm _not Fred. _He's _Fred."

"OK then George, what did you want?"

"I never said I was George! For all you know, I'm neither." They both cackled and did a mad little dance. By the time they had stopped, Tonks didn't know which was which. "OK. Whoever you are, I'm meant to be looking after you. What did you want?"

"I didn't want nothing! I just said Nimpa."

Tonks sighed. If this was the best they could do . . .

"WHERE'S MY PUMKIN JUICE!"

"OK, OK, calm down! What's the matter?"

"PUMKIN JUICE! PUMKIN JUICE! PUMKIN JUICE! PUMPKIN JUICE!" They were now running all over the place, breaking things, and screaming. The camera-thing had joined in the fun and started to pick old, delicate looking things up and stick them to the cieling where they stayed because of the slime covering everything.

"PUMPKIN JUICE! PUMKIN JUICE! PUMKIN JUICE! PUMPKIN JUICE!"

"You didn't ask for pumkin juice! You said you didn't want anything!" Tonks yelled over the noise. She ducked under a table as the camera-thing's table spoon came hurtling towards her. One of the twins made an evil face again and screached, "No, I didn't say that! I said I didn't want nothing, not I didn't want anything! I WANT PUMKIN JUICE!"

"Fine then! Sit down and shut the hell up and I'll get you some bloody pumkin juice!" she bellowed, and there was instant silence. "Fine then. Two pumkin juices coming up." And she slouched off to the kitchen.

_Twenty minuites later . . ._

"NO! THERE'S NOT ENOUGH! GO PUT SOME MORE IN!"

Tonks glared. First there wasn't a straw. Then the straw was too long. Then it was the wrong colour. Then the juice had been too watery. Then too strong. Then she'd put it in the wrong glass. And on. And on. And on.

Without a word, she turned on her heel for what felt like the hundredth time and returned to the kitchen. She returned shortly, Holding two identical glasses of homemade pumkin juice. Slamming them down on the table she thought, _even if it's not good enough, they'll have to make do. I'm not getting them any more._

"Do you know what, my dear brother?" said one twin, looking at his glass critically.

"Yes, I think I do," replied the other. "It's perfect, but . . ."

"We're not thirsty!" they yelled in unison. Tonks was beyond fury. She grinned manicaly. _I know for a fact Arthur keeps a sledge hammer out the back, _she thought. "OK boys, who wants to go play in the back yard?"


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter 3. I have been told to make it funny. I'll try.**

They were in the garden. Tonks was keeping the twins amused by changing her hair colour every six seconds, while silently cursing the Weasleys for locking the broomshed where all the weapons were kept. 'Weapons' being used in the widest sense of the word, meaning anything that could cause grievious bodily harm.

"NIMPA!"

"My name is not Nimpa. It's Tonks. T-O-N-K-S. _Tonks. _Not Nimpa."

"Sorry Nimpa."

_These kids are going down, _she thought. _Really far down, if I have anything to do with it._

_"NIMPA!!!"_

_"WHAT!!!"_

"I was just wondering if I could borrow your wand?"

"Pretty please?" added the other one.

"Oh yes, sure boys, you can run off with my wand and burn the place down and get me into heaps of trouble with your mum, not to mention the Ministry which will do me for underage magic!"

"Oh, thanks. Give it here, then."

"Don't you brats recognise sarcasm? They say it's the lowest form of humour. Clearly it's above you." Fred and George didn't appreciate this amazing piece of wit. One of them grabbed her wand and gave it a tug, but the chain held fast. He tugged again, but nothing happened. "I'm way ahead of you, little guy," Tonks smiled wickedly. The boys had apparently given up, because they ran over to the broom shed and began trying to open the door. _Aww, how sweet. They can't even reach the handle. _At this point, what appeared to be a large red-headed gnome shot past her on an ancient Cleansweep. "What . . . how . . ." she spluttered, but the gnome cackled fiendishly. If a Muggle had been present, they would have been reminded of the old story-book image of a witch. All that was missing was a full moon, and possibly some mist. That would have freaked them out even more, since it was half past three in the afternoon, not to mention the middle of August.

"WEEEE!" screamed the twins, and one dived down and grabbed hold of her wand. The pull was worryingly stronger with the force of a broomstick behind it, even one that was probably used by cavewizards hunting mammoths. Tonks felt her robes tear. Pulling them tighter around herself, she yelled, "No! That's my wand! You'll have your own in . . . err . . . four years!" Maths had never been her strong point.

"NO! WANT NIMPA'S WAND! WANT NIMPA'S WAND NOW!" Her robe tripped a little more. And a little more. With one almighty tug, the kid tore the wand away and Tonks was left standing in the middle of the garden, wandless. And stark naked.

"YOU LITTLE $??XXX!!?+!" she screamed. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

You may be wondering why, with all the times in Order of the Pheonix she had them at her mercy, Tonks never got revenge for this horrible episode. the answer is, of course, at that moment the camera-thing swooped down and started taking some prime blackmail material. With the threat of those photos looming, would _you _offend those in a position to expose the pictures? Of course not, least of all try to kill them. Well, you would, but very subtly and carefully, and Tonks isn't exactly the subtle, carefull type, if you know what I mean.

"Oh no you won't,"chanted the twins.

"WHY YOU LITTLE . . ." she started picking up rocks and hurling them at Fred and George.

"Tut, tut," said one.

"Very crude," added the other. "What's your wand for?"

"Oh, ha ha, very funny guys, now come down here so I can throttle you."

"What if we don't want to?"

"It doesn't matter whether you want to or not, just GET DOWN HERE!" _They had better be paying me a bloody fortune._

"OK."

This took Tonks by surprise. It's the sort of feeling you get when the other tug-of-war team stop pulling and there is a moment's silence before you are hurled backwards into the mud. "What? What did you say?"

"We said, OK. And you better put some clothes on, Mummy's home."


	4. Chapter Three

**Thanks for all the reviews I have had so far. I feel a sort of responsability to make this chapter really horrific, and I'll see if I can cram in a Vicious Three Headed Gutsucker Beast of Death.**

"Errr . . . hi."

There was a very long silence. Then Mrs Weasley said, "What _have _you been doing while I was away?"

Tonks was relieved. She had been expecting something much worse, probably along the lines of, "AARRRGH you evil monster I TOLD you not to give them your wand!!!!! Get OUT!!!!!" Just a question. Thank god.

"Well, you see Mrs Weasley, the boys were just playing around a bit, and they decided they wanted to do a bit of magic, but I remembered what you said and I told them, 'no, you can't have my wand!' And then they just sort of ran off and tryed to open the broomshed, and I didn't think to stop them because I knew you kept it locked, but - well, you can see. And then they tried to grab my wand which was sort of chained to my clothes, you see, and they kind of riped a bit. Sort of."

"I see." Molly waved her wand and new robes appeared at once. They were much too small and covered in disgusting frills. They would one day be worn by Ron, but you know all about that.

"Well, come on in then. Oh, and I almost forgott - your pay." Molly reached out and handed Tonks a single silver coin.

"_One sickle?!_" she asked incredulously. One measley sickle? Why didn't I just stay at home and wait for pocket money? I mean I know the Weasleys are a bit . . . tight for money, but really!

"Thank you very much, Mrs Weasley."

"Oh, don't mention it. It's nothing." Well then, another stupid sickle wouldn't be too much. Nothing + nothing nothing, she knew that much.

"Well then, goodbye, Mrs Weasley. I'll see you."

"Yes bye, Nymphadora. Thanks again." Tonks heard her fussing over the twins as she walked out. Then two identical four year old voices said, "Shut the hell up and give us some bloody orange juice!"

Every thing went very, very quiet. A Vicious Three Headed Gutsucker Beast of Death passed, roaring. Tonks knew she could go back in with Mrs Weasley, or stay out here with a beast that was famous for picking its teeth with manticores.

She legged it.

**What do you think? Not satisfactory? How would you end it? If anyone has any good ideas I might write an alternative ending. At least I got a Vicious Three Headed Gutsucker beast of Death in.**


End file.
